After having lived for ten months in the new city -and I’m not going to say far away from home and in a new place with strangers because it’s nothing new for me- I can say that, despite I’m only 20 years old, I have a vague sense of what it is to be an “adult”.
Honestly, the few things I could experience from the adult’s world was… COMPLICATED! However, I have to admit that there are a few things that I really like, such as living under my own rules, a rather simple example is that I can decide what I’m going to eat today! among some other things that I’m not going to mention, not yet.
On the one hand, being at University and seeing myself growing up, depresses me a bit. Well I’m not sure if “depression” is the right word. It is just that sometimes I feel that the time goes too fast and I don’t get to nail down what I wanted to have done for “that” time, and it really freaks me out the fact that perhaps after the time is gone, I won’t be able to do it.
I remember how many times I was mad with myself just because I had realised that I was wasting my time in such stupid things or because I didn’t do anything at all.
Even so, today I know that I have learnt many things. There was also those moments in which my life was constantly moving. Every 5 seconds something was changing and so was my reality, like the scenery that changes while the car is moving forward. I’ve been through situations that I never thought I was going to live. I experienced a lot from sadness, loneliness, crowdedness, happiness and so, and I think it is the right way to be, because we have to live! We can’t say what is to be happy if we’ve never been sad.
One of the facts that I see with greater clarity is that I’m not that 16 years old girl anymore, and I know that perhaps it is something irrelevant and without coherence, but I did not see this moment coming too soon.
Being between adolescence and adulthood is like being in between a diagonal from my city, because you are not standing on a boulevard or on the sidewalk waiting for the traffic light to change so that you can cross, but you are in a place in which 3 or 4 streets are crossed, and you have to be with your eyes wide open to see when you should walk. What is my point? my point is that you are not in a defined place, because you can walk and you are in 4 street, or 80 or 40. You have adult’s responsibilities but at the same time you have worries of a teenager. You want to go out dancing but then think that you have to save money to pay the bills or save some energy to study next day.
You realize that you are not a teenager when…
You go out and they don’t ask you for your ID; you start thinking about your financial situation; when you’d rather chill out at home with friends than go out to a club; when you start making those list in your head: do the laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.
The other day while I was walking with a friend I started looking for housewares instead of looking for teenagers magazines. Little things that remind me every single moment that I’m not 16 years old anymore.