Lately, I’ve been having some issues with Mr. Time, and let me tell you is not an easy topic to talk about…as Time is gold.
It all started when my boyfriend from the Netherlands and I decided to take a step forward and close the distance. Yes; closing the distance; that’s what I said, and no, I’m not going to talk
about a fairy tale coming true. From the very beginning, I knew that it was going to be hard for all of us, ’cause “moving in” meant: getting used to someone new and her/his whole package. Of course, bearing in mind that I am not the only one living in the apartment, so does my brother and my dog. Apart from all my fears, I tried to be as positive as I could with the idea of a new member and I didn’t want my negative thoughts to invade my mind because I was more than sure that it was a step I needed to take.
The problem came alive when all the deadlines started to haunt me in my nightmares. We weren’t on holidays anymore…
MY SIDE OF THE STORY: I felt so happy to have him next to me, especially after the tough months with grandma in the hospital and her death. Sooner, two strong feelings bumped into each other inside me. I couldn’t take that my second mom wasn’t here anymore, but at the same time, I was purely happy to be with the person I love. He made me realize I wasn’t alone and I wanted to spend the entire day with him, but that made us procrastinate. In those moments of procrastination I felt guilty, I felt the guilt ’cause I had a lot to do; a lot to read and study; a lot to clean and a bunch of bills waiting for me.
One of the things I hate the most is to wake up late, look through the window and see the sun shining so badly! Because in those moments, I realize I wasted another day of my life in a bed.
TOM’S SHOES: Well, I know pretty well what it is to be on the other side of the world like. Far from family, far from your friends and your stuff. Coming into a place where you don’t know the language pretty well and being without a job, I totally get it. That was the reason I tried to be more patient and give him love but in a moment he complained, in a moment he cried, in a moment he gave the same love back. I understood the pressure about money, about the job, about him leaving it all behind just because of me. The last thing I could do is support him and so I did.
Now the thing was, that I had a lot of things going on already and I got tired that I was always there for him to listen; or to give him advice for nothing. He didn’t do anything but stay there complaining and keeping things away from me, building up some kind of anger. He realized that here he has to do everything for himself, that we are the ones in charge. After all this, I felt that I was about to explode. I asked him to give me time for doing my stuff. The truth is, that I’ve been having health issues because of stress and what I actually needed was someone who I could talk to. With my brother the things are complicated already ’cause he has this special character and you never know whether to talk to him or not, so I needed at least the one that loves me to understand me and be there on my side. I didn’t expect flowers on the bed; or the moon… I wanted him to be there with me as I was there for him when he needed me the most.
Having spoken the truth to each other, we promised that next time when the storm comes we will both row the boat into a safer area.
The whole thing put me back to think, to think that I haven’t closed one of the chapters of my life. I’m still being in this apartment with one room, where we see each other the entire time; where I have memories with my ex-boyfriend; where I have cried a lot. I need to renovate the energy and tried for a fresh beginning. Soon, my rental agreement will come to and end. The owner is selling the apartment so I will have to move out anyway. Somehow I feel, that I have had my period there, good memories, bad memories… It is time to move on.